Redneck Hurricane Preparation

By Annette Codding

If I had a TV or made a habit of checking the weather, then y'all would have gotten this most excellent hurricane preparation advice last week. But as it is, we will all just have to get a small chuckle out of it a day late. Maybe tuck it away somewhere for later...or just laugh and use some better judgment next time around.
For those in an HOA, these tips most likely won't be too helpful. But I suspect that a lot of my "good advice" wouldn't apply most of the time anyway. For those of us who are happily living in the sticks, you can employ these tactics and probably won't get many complaints from the neighbors. You might just find that y'all have extra time for get-togethers and such now that you don't have to keep on mowing the grass all summer.
1. Don't pick anything up that has weeds or grass growing through it. It's more secure where it's at than anywhere you could put it. Have you ever tried to pick up a piece of fence that has been lying in place for a while? Grass can be as strong as chains!
2. Quit mowing early summer to make #1 possible. This kind of prep should be started weeks in advance for maximum benefit. But start when you can. Weeds are really just plants that you don't know yet. And other than Brown Caesar weed and torpedo grass, I'm pretty sure they all have some uses. I had to give a dog a haircut one time because she got fully matted with the brown Cesar weed burs one night on a hog hunt. So I guess that weeds served a purpose in that it spurred me on to finally shave the dog.
3. Leave a nice buffer around the perimeter of the property so that anything that does blow away will be safely in the trees when you pick it up next time you need it.
4. Fill the coolers and big stock pots that live on or under the porch with water. This could come in handy for bathing later and it will keep them from blowing away. This is good water for watering animals and for taking baths.
5. Gather all the old towels from the barn and the shop and wash them. Stack them by the front door (inside) for wiping your feet off when you come in from watching the storm or going to the outhouse. Old towels are also handy for drying new baby goats, too.
6. Get your slicker from your saddle, barn, or toolbox and have it handy. Give it a good shake to remove the dust and spiders then hang it by the door. You'll need to check on or feed animals no matter the weather. Give everyone some extra hay at the last minute before the storm arrives. They'll happily munch and ruminate while the storm blows. They have the good fortune to not own TV's and smartphones so they'll not be as stressed as their owners and will be happy with extra hay.
7. Keep a couple of plastic feed bags by the front door. Fold them in half and they make a good seat protector to keep your butt from getting wet on the buggy or sitting on the porch chairs. I have never used them as sandbags, but I have a feeling that they would do just fine in a pinch.
8. Tuck those said porch chairs somewhere accessible. You’ll want them for watching the storm come or go. There is nothing quite as neat to watch as a storm blow through.
9. Gas up the four-wheelers and buggy before the storm. The roads are eerily empty during a storm and you can go "check things out" during a lull. The dirt roads will be an extra kind of sloppy and perfect. Don't be tempted to tear them up though, your neighbors won't be too happy with you later if you do.
10. Make a couple of big pots of soup while you still have power. You can freeze them flat in baggies so they freeze and thaw quickly. It's nice to have something homemade in case the power goes out. Soup is easy to heat on a little propane burner.
11. Have some good books ready to read. Reading on a rainy day is the best. Get out some games to play with the kids. Our family played Monopoly for hours one year as a storm passed. When we were tired of playing and the rain lulled, we went out in the yard and pretended to be weather reporters. Such good storm memories!
12. Have your gun cleaning and knife sharpening stuff together. Take care of your tools. Some pieces of rope could also prove handy for teaching the youngin’s to tie knots. I still remember my dad teaching me to tie a bowline. This might be a good time to sharpen the chainsaw...you might just need it soon.
13. Do all the normal stuff…wash your dishes, clothes, and sheets ahead of time. Same as always, work hard now so you can relax or take a break later.
14. Have a backup plan if your trailer starts to come apart or shake too much from the wind. A friend with a sturdy house within driving distance should be warned in advance that you might show up if the tornado warnings start. Don't forget the soup!
15. Throw some extra hay under the house for the dogs to bed down in. *Bathe them ahead of time if you think you can talk your family into bringing them all in. (I didn’t, I can’t.)
15. HAVE FUN! It’s not every day we get to experience something like this. PRAY! Trust God to protect you and He will! REST! It’s also not every day that we get so much time to sit and just be still! Until next time, stay safe!